Deep Personal Change – How Does it Truly Happen?

Almost everyone is seeking to change something: perhaps to feel more at peace, have greater well-being, be more confident, have a better marriage, be a better leader, be more present, be more positive, have better health, be more authentic, earn more money or even significantly update their sense of self.

Superficial change is not so difficult. It often involves goal setting and creating some new habits.

But deep personal change is another matter. For most people, it requires a huge amount of effort, patience, persistence, and many years of time.

One thing is for sure, it rarely happens because of reading a book, attending a short training course or even engaging in some short-term coaching.

But for sure, it can and does happen, and the process can be accelerated if you know what you are doing!

I have been helping people to change for nearly 30 years with a range of psychological therapies and coaching modalities. Consequently, I have come to understand what is required.

Within our sense of self and core sense of identity, we run a series of unconscious programmes and patterns. Many of these are protective and reactive, and most are largely suppressed or hidden. I call this the unconscious paradigm. The paradigm includes an unconscious goal (e.g., to stay safe), a set of beliefs (e.g., I am not good enough, the world is unsafe), belief-reinforcing behaviours, defensive behaviours and attitudes, and self-looping outcomes.

Most attempts to change involve conscious goal setting and striving to achieve the goals. They may involve consciously letting go of negative thoughts and trying to be more positive, assertive etc. Or it may involve trying to work with the underlying beliefs and even trying to change them using belief change techniques or even brain wave technologies (theta, gamma etc).

And this may have a degree of success. As may, 5 or 10 years of therapy.

But, for deep personal change to take place, a shift of being needs to take place. This involves a total recognition of the underlying paradigm, a recognition that it no longer serves you, and then a deep willingness to shift into a more evolved level of being, followed by repatterning techniques. Often, one aspect of this is to shift from living in your head and in your thoughts to a more heart-connected and inspired existence.

It requires a willingness to develop tremendous levels of awareness, which in turn requires mindfulness, honesty, and a willingness to encounter hurt and pain. It requires that you listen to yourself deeply and are willing to leave your comfort zone. And it requires that you are willing to commit and put the work in.

When a shift of being happens, it is like a universal update of the self takes place. The sense of self is upgraded; old beliefs and limitations just fall away; and new possibilities start to spontaneously arise.

Can you do this by yourself? Sometimes! If you are very determined, mindful, and disciplined, you might succeed. The biggest problem is blind spots; the problem is that you don’t know you have them.

You are much more likely to succeed if you partner with a guide, a mentor, or a transformational coach.

Steven Lane is a transformational coach and trainer with a long background in transformational coaching, psychotherapy, mindfulness, and meditation. To explore further email: steven@transformationalcoaching.ie

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

You might also enjoy

8 Techniques to Practice Self – Compassion: The Path to Wellbeing

Self-Compassion is a powerful evidence-based technique that has some amazing benefits:
• Boosts Mental Health: Research shows that self-compassion leads to greater emotional resilience, accurate self-concepts, and more caring relationship behavior.
• Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Being kind to yourself during challenging times helps calm your nervous system and reduces anxiety.
• Enhances Well-Being: Self-compassion fosters a positive mindset, leading to improved overall well-being and life satisfaction

What did Sir John Whitmore mean with Interference?

Sir John Whitmore in his groundbreaking book “Coaching for Performance” said Performance = Potential – Interference.

Coaches are always trying to bring out the potential, but often do not succeed in removing enough interference to significantly increase performance. In fact, the degree to which they succeed with this really is the degree to which they can be said to be great coaches!

Are you being held back by limiting beliefs?

Beliefs are nothing more than thoughts with emotions attached to them that you consider to be true. They often feel as if they are part of your identity and might even be felt in the body.

If they are negative limiting beliefs, they will create stress, tension, failure, fears, obstacles, endless self talk, etc in your life.